Friday, April 24, 2009

E! Network

You can tell from the explanation point that they don't shit around. But, oh, wait. They do. So much.
Where, oh where, should I begin? The two hags on the Daily 10, Cass something and Debbie something, who, like many other fluff news presenters, think they are cute, funny, and witty, when in actuality they are annoying, old (on the wrong end of 35, I'd presume), and have the intelligence of pillows soaked in grape juice? The countless reality shows centering on the various 'misadventures' of a has-been Z-lister and his\her family? The fact that they are the host of Ryan Seacrest?
Or maybe the sense that, whenever they're on a red carpet--Oscars, for example--they are the equivelant of that loser uncle at a Bar Mitzvah that nobody really wants there, but he's in town and you have no real excuse not to invite him, so you humor his anecdotes that always end in some variation of 'blowjob', and his over-eagerness to join the conga line, and the aroma of feces wafting from his rented blue tux?
I feel I've made my point. The only things worth watching on this network are Chelsea Lately, staring the second woman ever to have a late-night talk show, Chelsea Lately, Chuy, her nugget, and a varied three comedians at the round table, and The Soup, a clip show reviewing that week on television, often reality TV, hosted by Joel McHale, Mankini, Spaghetti Cat, and (lately), whatever celebrity feels like stopping by, including Evan Rachel Wood, that passionate guy from Dancing With The Stars, the writers of Mad Men, and Brian Cranston and Aaron Paul of Breaking Bad (this is one big run-on sentence).

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